Top Ten Places I Can’t Write (I know because I tried)
10. Swimming pool: I spend so much time making sure no one can see my hairy legs, or that side car of ice cream I had with my apple pie, which is now making my belly way too jolly, I’m then burning up, so have to lose the cover-up and get in the water, after which the whole process begins again. Words written: Zero.
9. Starbucks: There is only one in my town, and as soon as I get settled, with ear buds in, laptop on, book loaded, someone I know walks in and I’m chatting away, instead of writing. If no one familiar comes in, I strike up a convo with strangers. Also spend $15 on additional products such as lemon pound cake and old coffee grounds I may someday use when I someday plant a garden, which I now need to Google how to grow tomatoes in west Texas. Oh, and look, those kids are playing Scrabble. Words written: Zero. Scrabble score: 211
8. Airplanes: Whomever is behind me is reading every word I write, which has become the worst drivel I’ve ever produced and my humiliation knows no bounds. Alternatively, I’m writing something sexy and my over-the-shoulder reader looks like my Grandma, or my ten-year-old niece. There is also beverage service and possible snacks to consider. Words written: 100, but later deleted, so final count: Zero.
7. Backyard: There are wasps in summer, it’s too cold in winter. I’m also distracted by how badly I need new patio furniture. A trip to Lowes ensues. Word count: Zero.
6. Kitchen table: There is food, which I feel compelled to organize, rearrange, cook, eat, or throw out. Words written: Zero. Calories consumed: 1,900
5. Mother-in-law’s: Yeah. No. Words written: -1,000 after I delete the sexy times because I realize she may read it someday.
4. Writer Conferences: I’m always inspired and enthusiastic at a writer conference. All those panels of editors and agents, talking about what’s selling, and successful authors talking about How To Write. Unfortunately, it’s also when I see my writing friends in real life, so all downtime is spent over coffee, or hanging out in the lobby, or eating delicious expensive food at beautiful restaurants, while talking about kids and books and the meaning of life. Time in my hotel room is limited to showering and sleeping. Word count: Zero Face Time: Priceless
3. Doctor’s office: If I don’t take the netbook, I’ll be waiting over an hour, wishing I had it because I could have gotten some words in. If I do take the netbook, I’ll see the doctor within five minutes of sitting down. Truthfully, doctor visits are typically stressful, so writing anything is a stretch. Word count: Zero Articles read in People: 6
2. Boats: My mom and I went on a river cruise through Germany last December, stopping along the way at wee, quaint villages to go to the Christmas markets. The ship was small, intimate and beautiful. Also filled with fun, interesting people, several who liked to hang out in the ship’s library. I had moderate success working on revisions, but it was a little distracting when we passed towering cliffs with castles perched up there, in the snow, with snow falling, and hot chocolate in the lounge, and a cute steward who liked to chat about Romania. Recently, I took an Alaskan cruise with my husband. As if. Word count: Zero Castles: 15 Bears: 1
1. After surgery: Valium and hydrocodone are not conducive to creative process. Not taking them means pain, which is also not helpful. On the upside, the hazy drug effect means you don’t really care. Words written: Zero
All to say, the only place I actually manage to get significant writing done is at home, in my office, at my desk, headphones on, with all my random, comfortable things and books around.
Thank you for having me here, Zoë!
Trinity Faegen wasn’t always a writer. She had an illustrious career as a Campus Cop in college, led many children astray as a camp counselor, and decorated Christmas trees for sweet, and notsosweet, little old ladies. She loves metal and rock, the Rocky mountains, chocolate cake and college football. She hates sappy stuff and hypocrites. Mostly, though, she loves to write.
Trinity lives in the outback of Texas with her husband and a mean cat.
Thanks so much to Trinity for stopping by In The Next Room! To learn more about her debut novel, The Mephisto Covenant, stop by her website. Click here to check out the other stops on this tour.